By Haoran Xia
Published on: DeepFocus
September 5, 2020
Since the beginning of the twenty-first century, young people seem to have developed a kind of chronic illness - an urban syndrome. In small groups, they roam the streets night after night, exhausted yet restless. Social media has become their new language; intimacy has gradually turned into a fast-moving consumer good, no different from a bottle of cola. In these vast cities, young people who appear energetic and vibrant on the surface are, at their core, hollow and unanchored. They say Generation Z is a “spoiled” and “broken generation.” In I May Destroy You, produced and written by Michaela Coel, she tells a story that belongs to her - and to all of us - a story of this so-called “broken generation.”
The protagonist, Arabella, is a young Gen-Z writer. Having shown a sharp, distinctive voice since high school, she rose to prominence by publishing commentary and essays on Twitter, eventually signing with a London-based publishing house. She becomes a black female writer who “speaks for minorities, for women, and for herself.” But the illusion quickly collapses. After being drugged and sexually assaulted by a stranger in a nightclub, trauma forces Arabella to re-examine her identity and position in the world: is she still the independent writer she once was, or has she been reduced to the pitiful label of “sexual assault survivor”?
Trauma is a merciless war of attrition. It invades your mind without warning, hijacks your body, and forces you to relive fear and helplessness again and again. After seeking legal help and receiving care from friends, Arabella nevertheless sinks deeper into despair. She rushes into sexual encounters with other men, using sex as medication - a stimulant injected into her shattered defense system. She chooses to live inside social media, searching for fleeting pleasure in sweet words and digital validation, cloaking her image in an invisible armor. She avoids, escapes, hides, and begins a game of hide-and-seek with her wounded self, where the exit is labeled “the real me.”
In this game, victims face countless distractions: social pressure, friends’ interventions, identity barriers, and inner fear. Yet ultimately, there is only one player. No matter how the environment changes or how the rules are rewritten, the opponent is always the traumatized self. To face one’s wounds requires extraordinary courage. Within existing social systems, most victims are taught to forget and to forgive. But the cost of forgiveness is immeasurable: what disappears may not only be pain, but also self-recognition and self-worth.
Arabella is a brave challenger. She does not confront her perpetrator head-on, nor does she incite her friends to seek revenge. Instead, on the ruins of a partially destroyed self, she rebuilds a new value system. She challenges past social rules and her wounded self alike, declaring to society - and to herself through self-redemption - I have challenged myself, and I survived. Her character grows increasingly complex amid ambiguity, constructing a “third self” that evolves, matures, and is reborn within the gray zone between sex and sexual assault.
It is also worth noting that most of the show’s main characters are black British. On one level, I May Destroy You is a story about a survivor’s self-redemption and rebirth; on another, it is about minorities struggling within mainstream society to assert their value. In an era shaped by the #MeToo movement and Black Lives Matter, society has begun to reassess its understanding of marginalized groups, attempting — under pressure — to integrate them into dominant systems. Women and Black communities alike join a broader resistance, seeking to challenge structures historically centered on white me
Michaela Coel finds a balance within these movements. By portraying the story of a Black community, she uses the particular to illuminate the universal, capturing the lived experience of Black people in developed nations. While immigration has become normalized in these societies, whether cultural and value-based acceptance has followed remains uncertain. From the pressure Arabella and her classmates endure in school, to her later confrontation with skepticism from an Indian Cambridge graduate in the literary world, these vivid and often darkly comic moments mercilessly satirize the hypocrisy of developed nations and expose centuries of historical violence.
Many Hollywood productions center on minority experiences, but I May Destroy You stands out because its resistance is unilateral. In earlier works, conflicts often emerge from two-sided confrontation. Here, Coel consistently positions Black characters at the center, focusing entirely on their perspective and constructing a one-directional, self-awakening form of questioning. Similar to Céline Sciamma’s Portrait of a Lady on Fire, which builds an atmosphere of female fear under patriarchal structures while excluding male characters altogether, Coel withholds detailed representation of the perpetrator. His identity remains vague; instead, the narrative builds Arabella’s journey and her relationship to white society, allowing viewers to experience resistance as something internally generated rather than externally imposed.
This applies equally to gender. As a female writer, Arabella defines her creative output through women’s perspectives. When she learns that the head of the publishing group is also a Black woman, her reaction is full of surprise and joy - a moment of unprecedented empowerment and absolute affirmation of her identity as both woman and Black creator.
In interviews, Michaela Coel has revealed that the story and characters are drawn from her own experiences. Phoebe Waller-Bridge once said that Fleabag was a truthful portrayal of her twenties - filled with anger, helplessness, confusion, and grief. Issa Rae, creator of Insecure, has remarked, “Everyone feels insecure, especially women.” Since Sex and the City introduced Carrie Bradshaw - television’s first anti-heroine - to the small screen, more and more anti-formula female protagonists have emerged.
They are rarely the most beautiful, the most noble, or the perfect “Hollywood woman.” They are not society’s dream lovers. Yet each is distinct, bold, and unmistakable. Since the turn of the millennium, these anti-heroine figures have overturned traditional definitions of female leads, redefining what “modern women” mean. With crazy hairstyles, daring fashion, and unapologetic independence, they reclaim narrative authority, refusing to be defined by others. They tell stories that belong solely to them, reminding audiences that women can be reckless, flawed, and imperfect.
Such authentic character construction not only broadens audiences’ understanding of film and television but also points toward a new direction for the industry. The princess archetype is no longer seductive. What truly moves us now are women who dare to love, dare to hate, and dare to live.
I may destroy you — but I didn’t.
I did not choose to forget.
I did not choose to forgive.
I chose to keep writing my life.
作者：夏浩然
发表于：深焦DeepFocus
二零二零 九月五日
二十一世纪以来，年轻人似乎患上了一种慢性病 - 都市综合症。三五成群的年轻人，夜夜不乏劳累地在街道中徘徊，社交媒体成为了他们新的说话方式，亲密关系渐渐变成跟可乐一样的快速消费品，硕大的城市里，这些看似朝气蓬勃的年轻人，内心却空洞无主。他们说Z时代是被物质宠坏的“垮掉的一代”，在米凯拉·科尔出品且编写的《我可以毁掉你》里，她讲述了属于她，也属于我们的“垮掉的一代”的故事。
女主角阿娜贝拉是一名Z时代新生代作家。从高中便拥有独特见解的她，通过在推特上发表评论和文章并获得成功后，与伦敦当地一家出版社签约，成为一名“为少数群体发声，为女性发声，为自己发声”的黑人女作家。但好景不长，一次在夜店被陌生人下药性侵后，受到创伤的安娜贝拉开始重新审视自己的身份和定位，是否自己仍是过去的独立女作家，还是当今可悲的性侵受害者？创伤是一场无情的持久战，它会持续不断地跳入你的脑海，绑架你的身心，让你无数次经历当时的恐惧和无助。
安娜贝拉在寻求法律的帮助和朋友的关心后，再一次深陷入被性侵的无望中，她急忙与其他男性发生性关系，将其作为药物，为自己支离破碎的防护体系打上一剂强心针；她选择生活于社交网络之中，在花言巧语里寻找短暂的快乐，为自己的形象披上一件隐形的外衣；她选择回避，逃跑，躲藏，她与她受创的自己玩起了“捉迷藏”游戏，而出口则是“真实的自己”。在这场游戏中，受害者往往会面临许多干扰因素，可能是社会的压力，可能是好友的劝阻，可能是身份的阻碍，还可能是内心的害怕。但到底，这场游戏的玩家只有你自己，无论身边情景如何变化，规则如何被改动，与你抗衡的始终是受创的你。
直面伤口需要过于常人的勇气，在已知的社会体系里，大部分受害者被教育去忘怀、去原谅，但原谅的代价难以填补，因为消失的或许有悲痛，但随之而去的还有身份认同和对自己的肯定。安娜贝拉则是一个勇敢的挑战者，她没有与侵害者进行直面冲击，没有怂恿好友与她一同复仇，而是在一部分被摧毁的自我体系之上，建立新的价值体系，与过往的社会规则和受创的自己发起挑战，告知社会，并通过自我救赎的方式告知自己，我成功挑战了我自己。她的人物建设在一次次扑朔迷离之间逐渐立体，为人物搭建第三人格，在性与性侵这个模凌两可的灰色地带中蜕变、成熟，并重生。
另外值得一提的是，剧中大部分主角分别为非裔英国人，《我可以毁掉你》在一定程度上也许是一个性侵受害者自我救赎并重生的故事，但在另一方面，也是少数群体在主流社会中拼搏，展现自我价值的故事。当今社会，在METOO性别平权运动和BLM社会运动的推进下，逐渐改变了对少数群体的传统认知，在社会的压力下，尝试将他们融入进主流社会体系里。无论是女性还是非裔，他们纷纷加入社会中的反抗军，意图掀起一场针对白人男性的新社会运动。米凯拉·科尔则在这两场与她相关的社会运动中找到了平衡点。
通过在剧中描述一个黑人群体的故事，米凯拉以小见大般地描绘了所有黑人群体在发达国家中的经历。虽然移民潮在发达国家已是常态，但发达国家社会是否在价值认同上对移民潮认可又是未知。无论是高中时安娜贝拉与她同学在学校所承受的压力，还是成为作家后被印裔剑桥毕业生质疑，这些丰满而又滑稽的片段，毫不留情地讽刺着发达国家的虚伪，揭露着发达国家长达四百年的罪行。好莱坞许多影视作品中，以少数种族为主题的不少，但《我可以毁掉你》出众的原因在于，她的反抗是单向的。
以往作品里，许多矛盾往往开始于双向的争执，而在剧集里，米凯拉始终将剧集的主角设定为非裔，同时将故事的核心聚焦于黑人群体上，实现了单向的，“自我觉醒”般的反问。比如在《燃烧女子的肖像》里，导演瑟琳·席安玛营造了女性群体对男性的畏惧，突出了男性群体的在社会结构上的压力，却丝毫没有引入任何一个男性角色。米凯拉同样如此，虽然性侵者种族未知，但在剧集前后，始终没有深入介绍这位第二主角的身份，而是通过构建安娜贝拉的自身历程，搭建她与白人社会的双重关系，来让观众体验自发式的反抗。从女性角度出发也如此，作为女作家，安娜贝拉始终将价值的输出点定义为女性，当她得知出版社集团老板也是黑人女性时，她是惊讶且欢喜的，因为她得到了前所未有的力量，同时也是对她，作为女性，作为黑人的再一次绝对认可和鼓励。
米凯拉·科尔在采访中透露道，剧中的故事和角色是根据她亲身经历所改编；《伦敦生活》主创菲比·沃勒-布里奇曾透露，《伦敦生活》是她20多岁时愤怒、无助、恍惚、伤感生活的真实写照；《不安感》主创伊萨·雷曾说“大家都会有不安感，特别做为女性”。自《欲望都市》开播，第一位反主人公式女主角凯莉登陆小银幕以来，越来越多的反主人公式女主角进入大众眼帘。她们往往不是最艳丽的，不是最高贵的，不是完美的“好莱坞女郎”，也不是大众的“梦中情人”，但她们个个独具特色，风格各异，展现着一个又一个多姿多彩的女性角色。
千禧年以来，这类反主人公式女主角颠覆了对传统女主角的定位，二次定义了“现代女性”这四个字，运用她们疯狂的发型、大胆的时尚和独立的性格，将故事的中心交至她们手上，而不被其他人定义，讲述只属于她们的故事，告诉观众，女性角色可以疯狂，可以犯错，也可以不完美。这样真实的人物构建不仅利于观众对影视作品有一个更为宽广的认知，同时，也为当下的影视行业指引了新的发展方向，宣扬着，以往的公主形象已不再迷人，唯有敢爱敢恨的女性形象才能打动人心。
我可以毁掉你，但我没有，我既没有选择忘记，也没有选择原谅，我选择继续书写我的人生。